Editor : Justin Howard
“We are all born sexual creatures,thank God! But it’s a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.” – Marilyn Monroe
My life… These days it seems to be inspired by Neko’s song “Give Me Everything,” especially the verse where he sings “There might not be a tomorrow, so let’s do it tonight.” Pardon me for a moment as I set the stage for this rather personally confessional of sorts. It is 3am, I’ve might have indulged in one too many drinks and am way too ready to make one of those ‘interesting‘ decisions. This decision in particular has to do with the cute guy in those ridiculously tight jeans who keeps grinding on me in the dark and melodic club. Perfect inspiration for me to quickly finish my martini.
All the signs are clearly pointing out, that it’s time to get out of here.
The Modern Guide to Casual Sex
With all subtlety aside, I wanted explore the fact that ‘nearly‘ every millennial I know personally – myself include – has experienced some form of casual sex. Yet every story I hear about these interactions exposes the fact that they are filled with a lot of unnecessary awkwardness. This atmosphere of awkwardness stems from the fact that people don’t have a guide on how to deal with casual sex. The topic is surrounded by an aura of the forbidden. It is my hope to shed a light on the topic of casual sex in a fun manner, and provide a little wisdom to help you have a pleasurable encounter.
In Los Angeles, where every nightclub worth going has a celebrity or two in attendance, casual sex is a fairly common practice. As fun as it is, casual sex can lead to plenty of awkward situations. Over a few glasses of wine, I found myself have a frank conversation with a group of friends at a Hollywood party where we spent the night exchanging embarrassing stories about our bedroom adventures. Born from that conversation was the inspiration for this “The Modern Guide to Casual Sex.”
Tip #1 – For the Gentlemen in the Audience “Honestly is always the Best Policy.”
It might not be easiest thing to do, but trust me, it will save you from a lot of drama in the future. First, make your intentions clear ahead of time. It will keep you from leading someone on and hopefully prevent any messy emotional situations.
Be sure to explain in the simplest possible way (remember you are both totally buzzed) you aren’t looking for your next relationship. Your potential partner-in-crime hopefully is feeling the same way. And if by chance they no longer want to play, and you ended up completely cock blocked. Take comfort from the fact you have just avoided some truly unnecessary dramatic moments in your future. Congrats!
Speaking from my own personal experience, there are plenty of people in the nightlife scene who are ‘DTF’ and don’t want anything serious. With a little emotional maturity, but parties can have pleasurable experience.
Tip #2 For our lady readers “Lower Your Expectations”
Darlings, clearly you are in a nightclub, not your neighborhood church. The truth of this reality, is that your knight in shining armor is not behind the velvet rope, waiting for you in the VIP section. The gentlemen whose sparklers you have been holding and who keeps filling your glass, is by no means ‘Mr. Right’ but he came be your ‘Mr. Right-Now’.
As a rule of thumb, it is best to understand that if you go home with the gentleman in question that night, don’t expect him to ask you out on a date afterwards. I am not saying that something meaningful can’t grow out of this encounter. But the general consensus on this point clearly indicates that is usually an one time encounter. If you honestly feel like he is the One, going home with him is a bad idea.
Tip #3 – The Most Important “Always Use Protection.”
Ok gentlemen, let’s be ‘real’ with ourselves – the onus here is on you to provide protection. Be smart and always be prepared. The scenario you really, really want to avoid is one where you and your partner are drunk, heading back to your place. You both end up all hot & bothered and then realize neither of you have a condom…
You may be tempted in your drunken haze to say “Fuck it” and do it anyways. This is NEVER a good idea. Trust me when I say you don’t way a casual encounter turning into baby drama or an STD you will have to deal for the rest of your life.
Remember in every major city there are mini-marts like 7/11, open 24 hours. They are located on major cross-streets, and the best part is that condoms and other safe sex items are available for purchase. If your partner passes out by the time you return, offer them a blanket and sleep on couch.
This rule may have me sounding oddly like your 8th grade sex-ed teacher, yet I have faced this exact situation myself. So remember “Wrap it before you tap it!“
Tip #4 For Everyone – “Keep The Conversation to a Minimum.”
Don’t send mixed messages!
I know when I get buzzed I sometimes think I have fallen in love. Yet by the time I wake up in the morning, the emotional high has usually worn off. Especially when I get a chance to see what the object of my nocturnal affections looks like by the light of day.
Try to avoid telling your partner that you want them to be your steady in middle of hooking up. They could end up taking you seriously, and assume you both have a future together. I find it is best to keep the pillow talk, sexy nicknames and overtly romantic gestures during a casual encounter down to a minimum.
Follow rule #1 – clearly establish it from the start this is just a fling.
Tip #5 When Its Done – “Don’t Overstay Your Welcome.”
Once you both have woken up, it is time to go. I always try to leave right after it’s over. It is ok to spend the night if it’s too late – or – you’re simply to drunk to drive. I will add that there is no shame in using LYFT and Uber to make your escape.
If you find yourself staying the night, try not to make things awkward in the morning by lingering and chatting up their roommates. If the other person has to go to work in the morning, it’s clearly time to get dressed and head out before they have to leave. You don’t want to leave a bad impression by hogging the bathroom when they need to be getting ready for work.
Be aware, take the hint and get your ass out of their bed. It is an proven fact that if you force them to have ask you to leave, there is a zero chance of a repeat encounter…
Tip #6 The Morning After “Be Ready To Go”
There is nothing worse then the ‘walk of shame’… Ladies, you don’t want to be caught on a Sunday morning at 10 am riding in your Uber wearing a dress that leaves nothing to the imagination and 6 inch stilettos. Guys, even if you take a LYFT home, expect that your neighbors will give you that ‘knowing’ look.
I truly hated it when the cute guy from across the hall, happens to be returning from his morning jog at Runyon Canyon. Just in time to judge me as I awkwardly try to avoid his stare as I stagger up the steps.
Ladies, always remember to have a pair of sunglasses and leggings in your purse. It is a good thing to know that every drugstore sells “Flats To Go”. If you are feeling like you want to get some play that night, throw a bag in your car before you head out. I suggest one with a change of clothes, spare sandals, a phone charger and whatever else you think you will need like a toothbrush and toothpaste.
If you are taking an Uber, use your clutch to hold essentials like the cell, money and lip gloss.
Tip #7 – “Go In with No Expectation. Be Open!”
There is always a chance with causal encounters, that they can can be the start of something else. The secret is to go in with no expectations. If it happens to develop into something more meaningful then great. If not, then no one leaves the encounter feeling hurt and you both can have a pleasurable experience.
Parting Company –
Guys, here is a very helpful hint – so pay fucking attention! Just because it is a causal encounter, doesn’t mean you can be a jerk the next day. It’s common courtesy to hit your partner up, if only to make sure they made it home safe and are alive. A text is perfect for this.
Be sure to keep the text short and to the point, so it doesn’t give off a clingy or inviting vibe. I usually go with the classic “I had fun. Hope you got home safe.”
All I can add to this is “Good luck out there in the wilds of the Night!”
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