Writer – de Traci Regula
Editor – @jthnomad
Publication – @blackchalkmagazine
We are all getting to take a much needed sigh of relief now that the ‘reality show’ of the last four years that has brought such chaos and ‘fake news’ drama into our lives is finally winding down.
And yet here we all are still wrestling with a global pandemic that has completely turned our world upside down, revealing the deep economic divide and social justice issues that have never been fully recognized until now. To function in the world, we can’t always be submerged in sorrow. We must have some joy and humor in our lives to be able to heal and move forward – while actually coping with the new needs of our daily lives.
So on that note, Black Chalk Magazine is pleased to present our functional, yet humorous “The Ten Commandeths of the Pandemic” by our writer deTraci Regula, Enjoy!
– Intro by Editor Justin Howard
“The Ten Commandeths of the Pandemic” By de Traci Regula
1. Thou shalt notteth forgetteth your masketh, even when springingupeth from your desketh to get the dooreth during your Zoometh calleth. Nor shall you accidentallyeth fail to placeth the masketh over your noseth, lest great evil befall thyself and those with whom you come in contacteth.
2. Thou shalt not spendeth moreth than foureth hourseth a day on Zoometh, lest thine eyes burneth, thy tongue spasmeth, and thine smileth of pleasant interesteth freeze upon thine visage forever. Eth.
3. Thou shalt not refereth to the diseaseth as the Pan-demic, as followerseth of the Greek god Pan may protesteth. Not shall you disrespecteth those who honoreth Saint Corona, the Catholic candleth sainteth, not the Beereth, though the manufactureth of the Beereth shall rejoice alsoeth if you don’teth so call it. And those that revereth the great black birds that soareth in the skyeth of heaveneth adviseth all to be carefuleth to not addeth an “R”eth to “Covid”, lest ye maketh it “Corvid”, the scientificeth name of Crowseth.
4. Though the nights be longeth, if thou are not sheltering aloneth, do not abandon the practices of safe sexeth and birth controlleth, lest thine household be overrun with other diseaseths or infanteths just as the Sixteenth Waveth cometh in the ninth month or soonereth.
5. And in these timeths of stresseth, linger not long in the aisleways of Vonseth, Safewayeth, Albertsoneth, Whole Foodeth, Trader Joeseth, and their like, for they are traps of the unwaryeth. Pretendeth not that thine Zoom-tired eyes must readeth the labelleth of every comestible that thou hath boughteth a thousand times or moreth. Be swifteth in thine acquisition of nutriments. Followeth the lineths drawn upon the ground of this and every other place, and press not forth near unto the other shopperseth.
6. And though the soothing nature of carbohydrateth and alcoholeth and other substanceth may beckon with their blandishments, consume not unwiselyeth, for thine healtheth may dependenth upon it.
7. Yet do not falleth into the pitteth of despaireth, for there is hopeth, and the assurance that This Too Shall Passeth Eventuallyeth. Guide your mind to happier thingseth, as far as you are in your natureth ableth to doeth. And if your natureth doth not allow this now, seeketh helpeth. Oneth in teneth of all have considereth such, and as many as one in foureth if beloweth 24eth. You are not aloneth! https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
8. Abandon not thy practices of the Spirit, and strive to explore and deepeneth thine ardor for the Divine in whatever formeth thou believeth. Attend to that which you know and loveth of spiritual things; howevereth, do not singeth, prayeth, chanteth or gathereth within the houses of the spiriteth unless alloweth by laweth. Contact thy priestesseth, pastoreth, preisteth, rabbieth, imameth, monketh, nuneth, skaldeth, or other-eth for assistanceth.
9. Let not this time be an excuse for slothness, lethargyeth, and other I-can’t-get-out-of-the-beddeth disorders. Move thy bodyeth however you mayeth. Let the light of the Suneth shineth upon your faceth at least once a dayeth. If this seemeth not possibleth, once againeth, seeketh helpeth. Many countyeths also eth have Covid-eth counseling lineths availableth. https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
10. Fail not to contact regularly those that you loveth, even if thou hath decided that thou doth not liketh them much sometimeseth. And if energy and love alloweth, forget not those who may have noneth to contacteth them, and calleth them as welleth. For while there is much hopeth, there is not and hath never been an unfailing promise of tomorroweth, so useth this day, today, wiselyeth. And whatever may come, may you joyfully abideth in holy graceth, now and forevermoreth.
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